Day 7: Go to Bed When Your Wife Goes to Bed


We could drag this out, but let’s get to the point. If you’re married and you’re not going to bed with your wife, and it’s not because of legitimate circumstances then I want to know why. Why don’t you go to bed with your wife?

I don’t just mean you should go to bed with her when you want to have sex. I mean all the time. If you’re not doing this, why aren’t you doing this?

I won’t go into the stories I know from the research I’ve done on this topic and from working with men in a local church. But let me just say this: time spent alone after your wife has gone to bed is a dangerous time.

Of course, there may be life situations that require you to go to bed at different times but barring the unavoidable things like working the night shift, start this tonight. Seriously, don’t wait. Nothing good is happening during those hours you’re alone.

If you need less sleep than she does, fine. Read in the bedroom using a little light or learn to get up before her and exercise so you’re tired when she is.

Whatever you do, whether you are single or married, do not let lonely, idle, and nighttime combine. They’re a dangerous concoction—and over time, most men won’t be able to resist.

Diagnostic Questions:

  1. If you’re married, are you going to bed with your wife? If not, why?

  2. Thinking about your nighttime patterns, could there be other things you need to change as well? For example, should you stop bringing your phone into the bedroom? That’s something to consider whether you are married or single.

Take 5 minutes to think and pray about these questions. Tomorrow I’ll talk about how you might need to involve others in this fight for purity.

Previous Videos: 

Thank you for watching these videos. If you’ve found them helpful, be sure to share them with your friends and church leadership. To go deeper on each of these strategies (and a dozen other strategies), check out my book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostics for Your Head and Heart.