The Wisdom of the Sixth Day
A poem celebrating God’s wisdom in creating us male and female.
In Genesis 1 after God created man and woman, we read: “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day” (v. 31).
Recently I spent a few weeks teaching some young adults at our church about God’s vision for biblical manhood and womanhood, and how, when rightly understood, it’s “very good” for us. Yet before such a daunting topic—and frankly, a controversial one—I often felt not a little intimidated.
A few times during the class I shared a poem I wrote about God’s wisdom in creating us male and female. Poetry is thoughtful, concentrated language to express and evoke emotion, and it was my hope that my poem, frail as it was, would encourage the group to see what God says about manhood and womanhood as something wise and for our flourishing.
The Wisdom of the Sixth Day
There is a beauty to the stars
And the earth and waters,
Though it’s said only of God’s sons and daughters,
That in His likeness made,
Imaging God’s glory.
But they listened to the dragon,
And take and eat they did—
From the forest chose the tree which God forbid.
Thus perfect complement,
One transgression tarnished.
Though all creation loudly groans,
Pricked by thorns and thistles,
Bright hope we have in Christ our Lord who whistles,
Our sin and death and wrath, “Come here”—
That’s how our Savior saves.
O now for men who dare protect
And sacrifice with might,
Who neither shirk the reins nor demand by right!
Yet in the Lord, and to redeem,
They do in battle bleed.
O now for women who selfless serve
And nurture people whole,
Who neither scorn their part nor another’s role!
Yet in the Lord, and for the King,
They offer helping hands.
“But the calling is too high,”
The cynics they do say.
“And for love of self, our culture too astray.”
Yet the beauty of God’s wisdom,
The Church of God shall shine.
[Picture by Jeremy Thomas / Unsplash]
A Pornography Sea Change
I’ve spent the last year working on a book to help men struggle against the temptations of pornography. Here’s one reason why.
I’ve spent the last year working on a book to help men struggle against the temptations of pornography and other sexual sins. After a full year, I feel like I’m climbing a huge mountain yet still only nearing the first basecamp. There’s such a long way to go.
There are many reasons why I’ve made this a priority for research and writing, but for starters let me mention this: the issues in culture and in our churches related to pornography abuse are only going to increase as technology becomes more advanced and pornography becomes more abundant. In fact, pornography has driven much of the technological advancements we now enjoy in hundreds of other, nobler applications.
We are experiencing a sea change. Think about this with me. The Playboys of old were largely inaccessible to young men, save when some kid nabbed a few of them from his father or uncle’s secret stash. Those who were old enough to purchase pornography for themselves could only do so by pushing through the stigma associated with buying a magazine wrapped in plastic behind the counter. Maybe not a big hurdle, but it was something.
Not to mention this too—even once obtained, these images were still shots, motionless images. Videos, of course, existed, but again with the accessibility issues. Cable television companies offered upgrades for channels so homes could get stations such as Cinemax, which my friends called Skinemax, but apart from the occasionally free promotional weekend or a visit to someone’s house that had it, again it was mostly inaccessible.
And let’s talk about the videos themselves. Often, so I’m told, there were attempts at plot and characterization and story. Cheesy as the porn movies might have been, they were more than just bodies slapping together.
Now, however, via smartphones and nearly ubiquitous Wi-Fi and high-speed Internet, all manner of pornographic images are available to me in seconds—millions and millions of photos: affordable, accessible, and anonymous. If I get bored with one picture or website, I go to another. And another. Miss January, Miss February, and Miss March separated, not by 31 days, but by the millisecond it takes to swipe my thumb right. Then, if I want, I can switch porn genres. And even if I don’t want to, the Internet-linking techniques and pop-up windows will push me to do so, and do so with increasing explicitness.
This inexhaustible supply goes for videos too, except they are not the same movies as before. Instead, like heroin that has been boiled down to an exponentially more concentrated form, the videos that are now streamed over high-speed Internet have been cropped to include only their most explicit content. Clip, after clip, after clip, after clip of nothing but bodies slapping together.
Affordable, accessible, anonymous, abundant, and addictive.
See what I mean. The world has not yet begun to see the effects of this sea change.
[Picture by Dennis Cortés / Unsplash]
40 Strategies to Struggle Against Porn
Here are few dozen strategies to help men win the war against sexual temptation.
A few years ago, if a man had asked me, “What does it look like to struggle against pornography?” I’m not sure I would have had an answer, not one I could articulate anyway.
For the last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing about the topic of pornography. I’m not ready to post any of the findings yet, but I thought I’d show you where the “table of contents” is headed. Look for more on this topic from me in 2017.
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Introduction
Part I: Foundations
1. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, ye must be born-again.
2. Get your worldview right. [Sex is not god or gross. Sex is a good gift from a good God.]
3. Acknowledge the beauty of the lordship of Christ in all of life.
4. Believe sexual sin is wrong and cultivate a hatred of it.
5. Fight for superior joys.
6. Recognize the grave danger.
7. Run like the wind.
8. Pray.
9. Make it personal: the women are real image bearers.
10. Remember that your holiness (and sin) affects the whole body.
11. Through confession and repentance, expose sin to the light.
Part II: Cross-Training
12. Cultivate humility.
13. Replace harmful thoughts with healthy ones.
14. Memorize Scripture strategically.
15. Maintain a strong devotional life.
16. Don’t avoid conflict; engage it.
17. Run from, and become indifferent to, flattery.
18. Be intoxicated with your wife.
19. Avoid “dude-talk.”
20. Fill your life with things you love.
21. Cultivate the fear of the Lord.
Part III: The Nitty-Gritty
22. Stop masturbating.
23. Don’t be alone with sexual temptation.
24. Have an accountability partner.
25. Only have computers (including tablets and smartphones) in public areas.
26. Install accountability software on all devices.
27. Always be reading a book about the topic.
28. Cut off all access to sexually stimulating media.
29. Know your situational and emotional triggers; take precautions accordingly.
30. Use visual “smelling salts” to resist sexual sin.
31. Share the existence of the struggle with your spouse.
32. Go to bed when your wife goes to bed.
33. Communicate your sexual needs to your spouse.
34. Treat the sexual needs of your spouse as more important than your own.
35. As needed, seek professional help.
Part IV: A Bright Future
36. Become a passionate teacher and a spiritual father.
37. Maintain gospel-identity.
38. Understand the Lord’s discipline as his training of the sons he dearly loves.
39. Cling to Christian hope.
40. Whatever you do, don’t stop serving Jesus.
Conclusion
[Picture by Gilles Lambert / Unsplash]
A Response to "Why Men Should Not Be Pastors"
Last week, Sojourners released a short video that explains “7 Reasons Men Should Not Be Pastors.” Perhaps you are one of the millions of people who watched the video in your Facebook feed, maybe even one of the 32k people who shared the post or the 16k who hit “like.” This is my response to the video.
Last week, Sojourners released a short video that explains “7 Reasons Men Should Not Be Pastors" (watch here). Perhaps you are one of the millions of people who watched the video in your Facebook feed, maybe even one of the 32k people who shared the post or the 16k who hit “like.”
I didn’t hit “like,” but I did watch it a dozen times.
Here are the seven reasons, according to Sojourners, why men shouldn’t be pastors.
- Men don’t need to be ordained to help in the church; they can always help in children’s ministry.
- (Some) men are too handsome to be pastors; their good looks will distract.
- Men are too emotional—have you seen March Madness!?
- Men who have children will be sidetracked from pastoring by their family responsibilities.
- Men can’t be trusted to lead because Jesus was betrayed by a man.
- Men, about once a month, get really cranky.
- Men, again, don’t have to be pastors to help in the church; they can help in other stereotypical male ways, such as leading worship on Father’s Day and fixing the church roof.
You see what they are doing, right? The video isn’t about why men shouldn’t be pastors. It’s about all the silly and sexist reasons that people tell women that they shouldn’t be pastors.
And with this, I agree. It’s wrong, even sinful, to fabricate arbitrary and sexist reasons why women shouldn’t be pastors. It’s been done, and I hate it. I’m sure all thoughtful Christians, especially ministry-minded women, must hate it, too. God hates it.
But who are we kidding? This isn’t the only message, nor even the main message of the video. The main message is not that women shouldn’t be excluded from the pastorate for silly and sexist reasons, but rather that women shouldn’t be excluded from the pastorate for any reason—come on, it’s 2016, people! Moreover, anyone who has any reasons for excluding women—including reasons based in Scripture—is likewise silly . . . or something worse (insert words here like “social dinosaur” or “patriarchal misogynist.”)
Complementarism v. Egalitarianism
In the history of the church, there are two main theological positions on men’s and women’s roles. They go by the names of “complementarianism” and “egalitarianism.” It will be helpful to briefly explain these views, specifically what both of these views affirm, and then mention how they differ.
Both views affirm that men and women are created equally in the image of God, and consequently have equal dignity, value, and worth. Also, both views believe that women and men can, and should, participate significantly in Christian ministry.
And yet, there are differences in the two positions. Egalitarians believe that there should be no distinctions in roles in the home and the church that are based upon the innate qualities of gender. Rather, egalitarians believe that any and all roles should be decided only on the basis of competency. In other words, if you are good at something, regardless of your gender, then you should be able to do it. If you can preach—preach it, sister.
Complementarians don’t believe this. They believe that manhood, in distinction from womanhood, means something—something beautiful. And complementarians believe that womanhood, in distinction from manhood, means something—something beautiful. Complementarians believe that roles are not determined only by competency but also, even mainly, by the good, enduring design of the Creator. In short, maleness and femaleness has meaning beyond “plumbing”; at our soul-level we are not androgynous but irrevocably and invaluably gendered.
Are There Bible-Reasons Why Pastors Should Only Be Men?
I don’t think I am a patriarchal misogynist, but I’m sure I sound that way to some. Regardless, I do think there are biblical reasons that men, and only men, should be elders in a local church. [1]
Because this is such a controversial point, allow me to mention seven of the biblical reasons for this view.
First, God gives Adam responsibilities of leadership before the fall, that is, Adam’s responsibility to lead is not a result of sin after Genesis 3. For example, before the fall, God creates Adam first and then Eve as a “helper fit for him” (2:18). Also, God gives Adam the responsibility of naming the animals, and then later Eve (2:19-20; 3:20). Additionally, God instructs Adam regarding which tree he should and should not eat from (2:15-17). This instruction took place before Eve was created. The expectation, then, is that Adam was to teach God’s moral instruction to Eve, thus implying a role of spiritual leadership.
Second, although Eve also sinned (even sinned first), God does not charge Eve with the responsibility of plunging the human race into sin and enmity with God. Rather, this is Adam’s responsibility, as taught in places like Romans 5:12-21.
Third, the way that Satan chooses to approach the woman in Genesis 3, also hints that Satan knew that God had placed Adam in a leadership role, and he deliberately chose to assault it. To use an analogy, if two nations are at war and one side chooses to deliberately bypass the President during negotiations, instead choosing to speak only with the Vice President, an insult is delivered. Satan insults the created order in bypassing Adam to speak with Eve.
Fourth, throughout both the Old Testament and New Testament there is a pattern of spiritual leadership being placed mainly among men (e.g., priests in the OT and the apostles and 12 disciples in the NT). This is not to say that at times women didn’t lead, but the primary pattern of male leadership is undeniable.
Fifth, there are many parallels between male leadership in the church and the headship of men in the home. This is taught in places like Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and Titus 2.
Sixth, there is no explicit mention of women pastor-elders in the New Testament. If Jesus or his authorized representatives in the early church had desired women to be pastors, they didn’t make it clear. [3]
Finally, it would seem that specific passages, like 1 Timothy 2:8-3:7 and Titus 1:5-9, actually require elders to be males.
Why is This So Hard to Accept?
There are probably many reasons this view is unpopular. For one, the abuses of sinful men who treat headship like a right and privilege. This should not be the case, but sadly, it happens. Spiritual leadership is not a right or privilege, but a responsibility to be carried out humbly and sacrificially, the way Jesus carried it out (Ephesians 5:2, 25).
But there is likely another reason we chafe against this, one often not mentioned, namely, that complementarism assaults a certain cultural idol. It’s commonly held today that you can’t have differing roles without also having differing intrinsic worth. If someone does a different role, even especially if one is prevented from doing a role, then they must, according to the culture, be inferior. Thus, if women shouldn’t be pastors then women are by extension inferior.
But this is not what the Bible teaches, most especially demonstrated in the Triune relations between the Father, Son, and Spirit. Is the Son of God less than God the Father because the Son does his Father’s will (John 6:38)? Is the Holy Spirit less than God because he is called “helper” (John 14:26)? Orthodox Christianity has always said, no. Differing roles among the members of the Trinity do not necessitate a difference in value. Actually, quite the opposite is true.
At our church, as you might have guessed by now, we do not have women pastors. But we do, however, try our best to not over apply this.
For example, last Sunday at our worship services a woman read the closing benediction of Scripture. As well as, several women led songs during the worship service—and no, it wasn’t Mother’s Day. And at our church, the current head of the Finance Team is a woman (and the whole team, by the way, is made up of two women and two men). Just yesterday, in fact, I sent her an email asking if she could help direct me and the other elders about how to use certain funds—not a small or insignificant role. Of course, there are many other important ways women lead at our church; these are just a few. [4]
Making a distinction between men’s and women’s roles is especially controversial in our day. But this is nothing new. Throughout history, it’s often been the case. We see this even in New Testament times. We shouldn’t have a romantic view of the early church. They too needed to work through the issues, just as we do. Thankfully, God did not leave the early church to fend for themselves. Even though some considered it foolishness, God gave them his wisdom, just as he has given it to us (cf. 1 Corinthians 1:18-25; 2:14-16).
The final line in the Soujourners’ video asks viewers to “support women in the church.” I couldn’t agree more. I, however, think we do this best by not asking women to fill a role that God didn’t intend them to fill. “And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good” (Genesis 1:31).
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[1] Of course, not just “any man” can be an elder, but only those men who fit the qualifications for elders as described in places like 1 Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:5-9, and 1 Peter 5:1-5. Also, throughout this post I’m using pastor and elder interchangeably because the Bible does.
[2] The decision we interpreters must make is whether this pattern is merely a product of their cultural norms or something with trans-cultural purpose (i.e., a God-given design for all time). I favor the latter. Male spiritual leadership existed in 116 AD and continues to exist in 2016, not because of cultural norms (sinful or otherwise) but divine design.
[3] And no, I don’t think Galatians 3:26-28 actually flattens all distinctions, though it does reinforce what is taught in many places, namely, that neither ethnicity nor gender can keep people from full status as children of God.
[4] And on a personal level, just this last week, I’ve been reading a detailed history of the prosperity gospel, which is written by a very gifted historian who also happens to be a woman. I thank God for her scholarship and I’m praying her book benefits many people.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
WHAT DOES THE BIBLE REALLY TEACH ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY? by Kevin DeYoung (FAN AND FLAME Book Reviews)
Last week, my review of What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung was published in the theological journal Themelios. DeYoung’s book is not only my favorite book on the topic, it’s also my favorite book of 2015.
Last week, my review of What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung was published in Themelios: An International Journal for Students of Theological and Religious Studies (40.3, December 2015).
I was honored that it was published. DeYoung’s book is not only my favorite book on the topic, it’s also my favorite book of 2015.
Whether you agree with the traditional Christian understanding of sexuality or whether you disagree . . . whether you think you understand all of the issues or whether you are confused . . . you should read DeYoung’s book. I highly recommend it.
You can read the full review below, or you can find it on the Themelios website here and download the PDF here (my review is on pp. 180-181).
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Kevin DeYoung. What Does the Bible Really Teach about Homosexuality? Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2015. 160 pp. £7.99/$12.99.
My grandmother is theologically conservative, but she’s stayed in a denomination that has drifted. She wants to know. The barista at Starbucks who found out I’m a pastor wants to know. The young family who visited our church and talked to me in the foyer afterward wants to know. They all want to know what the Bible really teaches about homosexuality. Kevin DeYoung has written the book to answer their questions.
DeYoung is the senior pastor at University Reformed Church in East Lansing, MI and the author of several books, including Just Do Something, The Hole in Our Holiness, Taking God at His Word. In all of these books, DeYoung presents rich, complex doctrines—whether the will of God, sanctification, Scripture, or now sexuality—to a popular audience, and he does so in ways that are clear and compelling without being simplistic. In this current book, DeYoung affirms the traditional Christian understanding of sexuality and engages the most common objections to this view. The book is structured in two central parts, with an introduction at the start, and a conclusion and several appendices at the end.
In the introduction, DeYoung notes that questions related to homosexuality abound. “How can I minister to my friend now that he’s told me he’s attracted to men? Should I attend a same-sex wedding?” (p. 16). But his book is only about one question, at least directly. It’s the one question that Christians must answer before all of the others: According to the Bible, is homosexual practice a sin that needs to be forgiven and forsaken, or is it, under the right circumstances, a blessing that we should celebrate and solemnize? Readers familiar with DeYoung, or Crossway, won’t be surprised at his answer. He writes, “I believe same-sex sexual intimacy is a sin.” And then he adds, “Why I believe this is the subject of the rest of the book” (p. 17).
[To read the rest of the review, please visit Themelios (40.3, December 2015).]
RELATED POSTS
11 Resources on The Bible, Sexuality, and Homosexuality
Today, there are so many books being published about the Bible and sexuality, and especially about the Bible and homosexuality. In many ways, this is a good thing. But there is also a downside: it’s hard to know which books are the most helpful.
In May, our church spent two nights teaching on God’s design for sexual intimacy (here and here). We covered topics such as marriage, pornography, and homosexuality. In preparation, the two teaching pastors at our church (Jason Abbott and I) created the following list of our top eleven books on sexuality.
1. The Bible
We start here, because, well… it’s just the place to start. The key passages from God’s Word that deal with sex generally, as well as all of the passages that deal with homosexuality specifically, are as follows: Genesis 1-3; Genesis 19; Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13; Judges 19; Proverbs 5-7; The Song of Solomon; Romans 1:26-28; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; and 1 Timothy 1:8-11. (This hyperlink is to the ESV Study Bible by Crossway. I’ve been using it for several years and have found it a very helpful resource for deep study of the Word.)
2. A Celebration of Sex by Dr. Douglas E. Rosenau
Sex is a good gift from God and this book celebrates it as such. As well, Dr. Rosenau addresses typical problems couples experience in marital intimacy, whether physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual. We wouldn’t recommend this book for anyone that isn’t currently married.
3. What Is The Meaning of Sex? by Denny Burk
This is a great book for believers who want to explore various questions about the ultimate purpose for sex. At the most fundamental level, Burk argues persuasively that human sexuality is intended to bring God glory. (See my book review here.)
4. The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler
This is an engaging study through The Song of Solomon. The book moves through dating, courting, marriage, and intimacy. Additionally, there is an excellent small group video series available.
5. What Does the Bible Really Teach About Homosexuality? by Kevin DeYoung
There are so many questions about homosexuality worthy of consideration, but this book answers the question that must be answered before any other questions can be appropriately broached. That question is this: according to the Bible, is homosexual practice a sin or (under the right circumstances) is it a blessing we should celebrate and solemnize? In this book, DeYoung affirms the traditional understanding and also engages the most common objections to this view.
6. Is God anti-gay? by Sam Allberry
This book explores what the Bible says about marriage, sexuality, and same-sex attraction. What is especially helpful in it is Allberry’s perspective on these matters. He is a pastor who experiences same-sex attraction yet is committed to living a celibate life in accordance with his understanding of the Bible. (See my book review here.)
7. Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill
Like Allberry, Wesley Hill experiences same-sex attraction and, like Allberry, is committed to celibacy for the glory of God. However, Hill’s book is more of a personal memoir of his experience of growing up in the church and grappling with his sexuality. This book is especially helpful for those wanting to consider whether their church provides a healthy, gospel-centered atmosphere for those grappling with same-sex attraction. (See my book review here.)
8. The Bible and Homosexual Practice by Robert Gagnon
This book is for those who want to grapple with the question of homosexuality at a very academic level. Gagnon is perhaps the leading scholar on the Bible and homosexuality. Interestingly, even though he’s part of a denomination affirming homosexual marriage, he sees nothing in the Bible that would support that position. Consequently, he has been much maligned within his denomination for his writings on this topic.
9. Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would by Chad Thompson
This is a practical book teaching us how we might love our homosexual friends. It is written by a former practicing homosexual.
10. Out of a Far Country by Christopher Yuan
This book is the moving personal story of Yuan’s conversion to Christianity. Like Wesley Hill and Sam Allberry, he’s same-sex attracted. It is also one of the best books available for thinking through why the church and Christians are often seen as enemies by the LGBT community. Yuan does an excellent job of helping believers rethink their approach to sharing the Gospel with LGBT friends, family, and acquaintances.
11. Porn-Again Christian by Mark Driscoll
This book, as the subtitle states, is “a frank discussion on pornography and masturbation.” It’s a book for men. You can Google it to download it as a free ebook or you can click here.
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IS GOD ANTI-GAY? & WASHED AND WAITING (FAN AND FLAME Book Reviews)
There has been a steady stream of books about homosexuality published in the last few years, but two in particular from evangelical authors have received a lot of attention. The two books I am speaking of are IS GOD ANTI-GAY? by Sam Allberry and WASHED AND WAITING by Wesley Hill. And they should receive attention; they are great books.
Sam Allberry. Is God anti-gay? And other questions about homosexuality, the Bible and same-sex attraction. United Kingdom: The Good Book Company, 2013. 88 pp. $7.99.
Wesley Hill. Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2010. 160 pp. $14.99.
There has been a steady stream of books about homosexuality published in the last few years, but two in particular from evangelical authors have received a lot of attention. The two books I am speaking of are Is God anti-gay? by Sam Allberry and Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill. And they should receive attention; they are great books. Besides being great books, they also have many other things in common. For example, both books are short and evangelical. Additionally, they are written by Christian men who struggle with same-sex attraction, but yet—and this is so important—believe that God calls them to forsake acting on these feelings and to live celibate lives.
Maybe you can already see why they have received so much attention.
In this post, I am going to point out some of the strengths of each book. Then I am going to discuss one difference between the authors with respect to the terminology they use to describe their lingering homosexual feelings. Finally, I’ll offer a few comments about what Christians mean and don’t mean by “change.”
But before I do all of that, let me make a disclaimer: I am primarily writing this post for Christians that already hold to a traditional understanding of the Bible and sexuality. In other words, I’m not primarily writing this to convince the unconvinced.
Is God anti-gay? by Sam Allberry
Sam Allberry is the author of the first book, Is God anti-gay? And other questions about homosexuality, the Bible and same-sex attraction. He is a pastor in England and has also authored Connected: Living in Light of the Trinity. Here are a few of the strengths of his book.
First, Allberry includes the content of gospel message very early in the book (7-10), and he explains how this message changed his life. I consider this a great benefit because I suspect that many people who know very little about Christianity will be drawn in by the book’s provocative title. And speaking of starting with something, before Allberry dives into all of the Bible’s “Thou Shalt Not’s,” he first begins with God’s positive design for sex (13)—also very helpful.
Second, Allberry frequently, and helpfully, places the struggle with homosexual practice within the larger, general struggle with sin that is common to all followers of Christ (11-12). I mention this because too often in the church we tend to single out homosexual practice, even among other sexual sins. To a point, I understand why this is done, but it’s not entirely helpful either. Every prohibition against homosexual practice that’s in the Bible occurs in the context of a list of many different sins. That’s worth remembering.
Third, Allberry’s treatment of the biblical passages relating specifically to homosexuality is clear and compelling (25-38). I’m not saying that everyone who disagrees with the traditional view will be won over, but I am saying that a strong case is made for it.
Finally, the book is eminently practical for those that have objections and questions. Examples include things like the following: “Surely same-sex partnership is OK if it’s committed and faithful?” (39-40); “Jesus never mentions homosexuality, so how can it be wrong?” (40-41); “What are the main struggles for a homosexual Christian?” (54); and “My non-Christian friend has just told me they’re gay. How should I respond?” (74). These are real objections and real questions, and Allberry, with humility and grace, gives real answers.
Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill
Wesley Hill is the author of the second book. The full title is Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. The title comes from two verses that Hill believes are foundational on this topic, namely, 1 Corinthians 6:11 (“You were washed”) and Romans 8:23 (“we wait eagerly”).
Hill completed his undergraduate degree at Wheaton College, and received a masters and PhD from Durham University in the UK. He is currently an Assistant Professor of Biblical Studies at Trinity School for Ministry just north of Pittsburgh, PA. His most recent book is Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love in the Church as a Celibate Gay Christian.
Comparing Washed and Waiting with Is God anti-gay? is a little like comparing the proverbial apples and oranges—sure there are a few similarities, but fundamentally they are just not the same. Let me share a few of the strengths of Hill’s book, and hopefully that will help you grasp how the two books are simultaneously similar and different.
First, the book reads much more like a memoir than all of the other books I have read on the topic of homosexuality. This is because, in many ways, it is just that—a memoir. In the book, Hill shares his own story, but also included are chapters on the lives of two other Christian authors who struggled with homosexual desires, namely, Henri Nouwen and Gerard Manley Hopkins (both now deceased).
In this way, Hill’s audience is rather specific. Up front, he tells readers, “I’m writing as one homosexual Christian for other homosexual Christians” (16). Perhaps that is a narrow market—a gay Christian writing for other gay Christians. However, the special, captivating power inherent to memoirs has most certainly expanded his audience. And by “special, captivating power,” I mean this: memoirs have a way of inviting believers (in this case, some who have homosexual desires, others who do not) to live vicariously in the struggles and victories of another saint, which is a wonderful and soul enlarging exercise.
Second, the prose of Washed and Waiting is beautiful. Hill has a strong command of language. Additionally, he fills his book with eclectic references to the arts in general and literature in particular. References to paintings, poems, plays, and prose are employed in the most natural of ways. For example, in every chapter expect to see quotations or allusions to a dozen authors, people like H.W. Auden, Gerard Manley Hopkins, Wendell Berry, William Shakespeare, J.R.R. Tolkien, Leo Tolstoy, Anne Lamott, and of course, C.S. Lewis; yes, lots of Lewis.
Finally, Washed and Waiting articulates the questions of broader culture that seem to clash with a traditional Christian understanding of sexuality, love, and “good news.” That these questions are given a voice will no doubt make some uncomfortable, especially because in just a few places it’s not always immediately clear whether these questions continue to be Hill’s questions (or only were his questions). However, the careful reader will see that in and around the questions and questioning, there is a deep sense that questions about homosexuality do have answers, and these answers are beautiful and biblical answers, which Hill himself affirms and loves.
One Difference between the Authors and Their Terminology
As I said above, these two books are similar in many ways, but fundamentally not the same. I hope you’ve gained a sense of this from the above discussion of their strengths. There is one difference, however, that would be helpful to point out explicitly. You may have already noticed it, but the difference has to do with the way terminology is used to describe on-going homosexual desires.
Sam Allberry tends to speak in terms of “same-sex attraction,” or especially with respect to Christians, in terms of “struggle with same-sex attraction.” You can see this reflected in the subtitle of his book (And other questions about homosexuality, the Bible and same-sex attraction). Wesley Hill, on the other hand, is far more comfortable continuing to use the terms gay and homosexual, although I should point out that Hill often qualifies the terms slightly by adding the word “celibate” (e.g. “a celibate gay Christian”).
For many, this difference is far more than a semantic one. Our understanding of what we believe to be the highest and most fundamental aspects of human identity is at stake. Allberry writes:
In western culture today the obvious term for someone with homosexual feelings is “gay.” But in my experience this often refers to far more than someone’s sexual orientation. It has come to describe an identity and a lifestyle. When someone says that they’re gay, or for that matter, lesbian or bisexual, they normally mean that, as well as being attracted to someone of the same gender, their sexual preference is one of the fundamental ways in which they see themselves.
And it’s for this reason that I tend to avoid using the term. It sounds clunky to describe myself as “someone who experiences same-sex attraction.” But describing myself like this is a way for me to recognize that the kind of sexual attractions I experience are not fundamental to my identity. They are part of what I feel but are not who I am in a fundamental sense. I’m far more than my sexuality. (10-11, emphasis original)
Do you hear what he is saying? Allberry argues that speaking of someone, specifically a Christian, as “gay” or “homosexual,” simply gives too much weight to just one aspect of what it means to be human, namely our sexuality. Sexuality is important, but biblically speaking a person’s sexuality is ancillary to who they are, not foundational and ultimate.
And what does Hill believe about all of this?
In fairness, I’m pretty sure he agrees with all of it. Yes, from the very beginning of his book he does use terms like “gay” and “homosexual,” or even “gay Christian” and “homosexual Christian,” but he also clarifies that he doesn’t mean what most might mean when using those terms. Let me quote him at length from pages 14-15:
My story is very different from the other stories told by people wearing the same designations—“homosexual Christian”—that I wear. Many in the church—more so in the mainline denominations than the evangelical ones… tell stories of “homosexual holiness.” The authors of these narratives profess a deep faith in Christ and claim a powerful experience of the Holy Spirit precisely in and through their homosexual practice…
My own story, by contrast, is a story of feeling spiritually hindered rather than helped by my homosexuality. Another way to say it would be to observe that my story testifies to the truth of the proposition the Christian church has held with almost total unanimity through the centuries—namely, that homosexuality was not God’s original creative intention for humanity, that it is, on the contrary, a tragic sign of human nature and relationships being fractured by sin, and therefore that homosexual practice goes against God’s express will for all human beings, especially those who trust in Christ. (14, emphasis original)
More sections from Washed and Waiting could be quoted to address terminology (especially on page 22), but the real question is this: why would Hill tend to speak this way?
I’ve listened to audio recordings where Hill answers this question explicitly. I’m thinking especially of a Q&A at a conference on human sexuality put on by the Evangelical Free Church of American where Hill was one of several keynote speakers (here). The answer to the question to why Hill speaks this way, in short, is this: to gain a hearing from those who would immediately tune him out if he telegraphed his traditional Christian moorings too soon with phrases like “same-sex attraction.” (And remember, in an above quote, Allberry admitted the phrase is a “chunky” one.)
As a pastor, I get this. As soon as I tell people that I am a pastor, the conversation invariably changes. To be aware of this dynamic does not necessarily mean that I am ashamed of my vocation or fearful of identifying myself as a follower of Jesus. I’m not ashamed or afraid. But I can say that in my own life I have learned that there can be a God-honoring motive in delaying the revelation that I’m a pastor. The same is true, I believe, for Hill. Using the terminology of a “gay Christian” is not a way to hide his Christian beliefs indefinitely, but rather a way to help them be heard.
Don’t Christians Change?
Before closing this issue of terminology, it might be helpful to back up and talk about what Christians mean and don’t mean by this word “change.” A few years ago, I remember talking with a mature Christian about this very issue. The person was initially very shocked and disturbed by the thought that there might be gay men and women who genuinely become Christians, but yet continue to struggle with same-sex attraction. This is a startling proposition, one that many Christians have never thought through before. “What—doesn’t becoming a Christian fix this?” some ask.
Well, yes, it does, but that depends on what you mean by “fix” and what you mean by “change.”
Christians most certainly do change, but this doesn’t mean people live with perfect obedience to Jesus right away or that temptations to sin disappear. Consider for a moment sins like pride, heterosexual lust, or explosive anger. Do these fall away immediately upon conversion to Christ, or even shortly thereafter? Sometimes, but not most of the time. And in some cases the temptations never go away.
It can be jarring the first time you think of homosexual feelings this way, that is, as something that might not go away, at least until Heaven. However, when we consider the specific struggle with same-sex attraction in the broader context of the struggle that Christians have with all sin (which both Allberry and Hill do so aptly), it begins to make more sense.
This is not to say that no one will ever experience a fundamental shift in their attractions to the extent that they marry someone of the opposite sex. This happens. If you’d like to read a helpful account of this, you can do so in the book The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert by Rosaria Butterfield. For Butterfield, it happened. And when this kind of change happens, we should praise God for it. However, we should also be willing to heartily acknowledge that God can be—and is!—glorified in the life-long struggle to reject sin on account of the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus Christ. This certainly is a type of “change,” even if the final outworking of the struggle is not completed until we are glorified.
Final Recommendations
For all of the similarities of these two books, I hope you can see that they are actually two very different, but very helpful, books.
If you are a person that is less familiar with the issues involved, especially the issues around the biblical texts, then I would suggest you first read Is God anti-gay? The book is more than a primer on the topic, but it is a least that. If, however, you are more familiar with the issues, and are looking for more of a narrative sweep, then I would suggest Washed and Waiting.
But my hope is that you won’t simply choose between them, but rather read them both.
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Reflections on The Bachelor
After nineteen seasons, I finally watched some of The Bachelor. And because I believe women should be held in honor, and because I believe sex is a gift from God, I won’t ever watch again.
Our kids were misbehaving last night, so they got sent to bed early. It probably was not the best use of our time but since my wife and I had extra, we decided to flip the on TV. Among a few other things, we watched twenty minutes of The Bachelor. I had heard about The Bachelor, but it wasn’t quite what I had imagined… it was far worse.
On last night’s episode, the protagonist and Iowa farmer Chris Soules, had already narrowed the women down from thirty to just three. Now he was to take each on a final date in the country of Bali. Pretty exotic, right? And with these last dates came the famous overnighters in the Fantasy Suites, of course fitted with votive candles, four-poster beds, and bathtubs filled with rose petals.
At first, for me, there was a humor to it all. I couldn’t take it seriously. As Whitney talked with Chris on a massive sailboat on the Indian Ocean, and the camera repeatedly offered close-ups of Chris as he listened to her drone on and on about her sister’s reservations about their potential marriage, I provided my own commentary for what Chris might have been thinking.
But the more I watched, the more painful it became. I kept thinking to myself, how is it that this show is tolerated by women? It’s so offensive to them!
I felt this all the more because just before The Bachelor, we caught a few minutes of an Oscar recap show, and several times we saw a clip of Patricia Arquette passionately appealing for wage equality for women, to which the crowd—especially a few prominent women—enthusiastically applauded. I understood Ms. Arquette to be making the point that women should be honored and treated fairly. I’m not a huge fan of the celebrity soapbox, but to me this sounded like a noble enough talking point, and apparently the audience thought so as well.
Why do I bring this up? Generally speaking there are healthy, although sometimes overdone, voices in culture rightly challenging all of us to treat women with dignity. Which is why, I say again, I can hardly believe a show like The Bachelor—a show that denigrates women and turns their beauty and sexuality into a competition—is tolerated.
But then I realized something: The Bachelor is not tolerated, it’s loved. Case in point: if you count all the various renditions, the show is in its nineteenth season.
As television shows do, before each commercial break, The Bachelor kept showing upcoming scenes hoping that viewers would keep watching. The particular teaser that was on repeat last night was a short clip of Becca, the third woman, explaining to Chris as they were about to enter the Fantasy Suite that she was a virgin.
I was done. I couldn’t take it.
It’s common to hear people speak as though we in the modern world have the moral high ground on those in the past, particularly those in what we might call “primitive” cultures. I’m thinking especially of our tendency to learn about strange, cultic sex practices in ancient cultures and think that we have improved morally. But when I watch The Bachelor and consider its popularity, I say no way. It would seem to me that we can be every bit as far from God’s design as those of the past. Our culture, like those of other eras, has a schizophrenic view of sex: we both over and under value it. We say sex has tremendous meaning, even an ultimate meaning for our lives. And at the same time we say it is meaningless—something cheap and casual.
But it’s not that I’m so upset with culture at large; that’s not where my confusion is mostly directed. What I cannot understand is the show’s popularity among Christian women.
Perhaps, however, some of my sisters in Christ will object: Benjamin, you can’t possibly tell the quality of a show by just watching twenty minutes.
Maybe. But what if you saw me in a public place, say a Starbucks, reading the latest edition of Sports Illustrated, which just so happens to be the swimsuit issue with its typically provocative and demeaning pictures. Would it be appropriate for someone to say to me, as a Christian man, that what I was doing was wrong? Or couldn’t I object and say, But you’re only judging by a quick glance and that’s not fair; there are some good articles in this.
Here’s the deal: sometimes you don’t need all the context. Sometimes it’s the whole context that lulls us to sleep. Sex is a gift from God. And as such, we ought not to overvalue it as though it were a god, but neither should we undervalue it either. After nineteen seasons, I’m glad I’ve only seen twenty minutes. And thankful they’ll be, God willing, my last.
[Image: Craig Sjodin/ABC, from The Washington Post]
A Lament for Jennifer
I remember the day I heard the news. I was in seminary. I went to sit on a park bench along a walking path. Students were passing by, but I was staring at the grass. I was thinking and praying. I was sad, and I was confused.
I remember the day I heard the news. I was in seminary. I went to sit on a park bench along a walking path. Students were passing by, but I was staring at the grass. I was thinking and praying. I was sad, and I was confused. Jennifer Knapp, after seven years away, had just come back to the music scene, but no longer was she making Christian music. She was gay and living with another woman.
When I was a kid, Jennifer Knapp came to my home church to play a concert. We were a small church. There were maybe 50 people at the concert—obviously, this was before Knapp toured with bands like Third Day.
I remember something that Tim said that night. Tim was the person at our church who “booked” the concert. “She’ll never be back,” Tim commented to me as we stood in the sound booth.
“Why?” I asked.
“She’s going places,” Tim said.
“Oh,” I said.
And she did.
That night, after her concert, my mom asked Jennifer if I could play her guitar. Don’t laugh at me—I was a kid learning to play, and, at the time, it seemed like a normal thing to do. Jennifer said yes. I strummed G, C, D on a professional musician’s guitar, a professional “going places.”
And so, 15 years later, when I heard the news, I was sad.
My sadness returned last night as I read a post by Trevin Wax about Knapp (here). The post was something of an update on Jennifer’s story and something of a review of her recently released memoir, but his post was more than mere update and review. It was a beautifully full-orbed lament about Knapp, evangelicalism, divorce, and the times we inhabit.
Thank you, Trevin, for putting into words what I felt on a park bench a few years ago.
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Two Favorite Sermons on the Biblical View of Sex
Why did God make us sexual beings? And what difference does the knowledge of God make to our sexuality? Find the answers here.
I've listened to a lot of sermons. In the last decade, I estimate 3-4 per week. That makes for 1,500-2,000 sermons. Along the way, there have been many good ones. The other day, something reminded me of 2 sermons that are in my ‘Top 10.’ And both of them happen to be by John Piper, and both just happen to be on sex.
The sermons come from the Design God National Conference a few years ago. The title of the conference was, “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ.”
WARNING: Do not confuse the order of this title. Our culture does.
Dr. Piper opened and closed the conference with these two messages (here and here). This month is the 10th anniversary of the conference, and the messages are more relevant, not less, today.
Below is a favorite quote from each:
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, Part I
[God’s] goal in creating human beings with personhood and passion was to make sure that there would be sexual language and sexual images that would point to the promises and the pleasures of God’s relationship to his people and our relationship to him. In other words, the ultimate reason (not the only one) why we are sexual is to make God more deeply knowable. The language and imagery of sexuality is the most graphic and most powerful that the Bible uses to describe the relationship between God and his people—both positively (when we are faithful) and negatively (when we are not).
Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, Part II
As Abraham Kuyper used to say, “there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, ‘Mine!’” And rule with absolute supremacy. And though it may not seem so now, it is only a matter of time until he is revealed from heaven in flaming fire to give relief to those who trust him and righteous vengeance on those who don’t.
This second quote is the crescendo of 10 minutes of sustained exultation of the supremacy of Christ. Wonderful stuff. Again, the messages are more relevant today, not less.
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A reflection from a recent wedding on a beautiful verse from the Song of Solomon.