On Christianity and Porn: A REMOJO Podcast Interview

This year I’ve been the guest on a few radio interviews and podcasts. I don’t usually share these on the blog, but I’m making an exception for this one because this interview was, well, different.

Jack Jenkins, the CEO & Founder of an app to help people quit pornography, invited me on his show to talk about Christianity and pornography. That, by itself may not be too strange. What made the conversation more interesting is that Jack is not a Christian. And neither is his app REMOJO faith-based. The company wanted to hear from a Christian, as many of the people benefiting from their app are Christians. What a neat opportunity, I thought.

I really enjoyed talking with Jack, and hope you find the conversation helpful too. In hindsight, I wish I had answered a few questions better than I did, but interviews, just like life, happen in real-time, and we do the best we can. Thanks to the handful of people who prayed for me while the interview took place.

If you’d like to see more info about REMOJO, check out their website.

Batalla Contra la Pornografía: The Spanish Edition of Struggle Against…

About a year ago, my friend Kevin Halloran encouraged me to find a way to get my book Struggle Against Porn published in Spanish. Kevin is bilingual and tells me there are few gospel-centered resources in Spanish to help men win the war against lust, especially compared to the abundance of English resources. So, Kevin connected me with Daniel Puerto, the Executive Director of Soldados de Jesucristo, a prominent Christian website in the Spanish-speaking world (Soldiers in Christ, in English).

Now, fast forward to just last week, and the book was published as both a paperback and ebook available on Amazon. My friend Chase Replogle helped me create a cover similar to the original.

Soon, Soldados de Jesucristo will post all the chapters from the book in a long blog-series on their website. The material is so important, we want to make it freely and widely available to anyone who wants help.

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Back in January of 2021 I asked for financial help to cover the cost of the translation. Thank you so much to the dozen or so people who helped. It means a lot to me.

If you know anyone who would be interested in the book, please send them this way. I can offer discounted pricing for bulk orders.

And if you can read Spanish, I’ll end the post letting you enjoy the endorsement from blogger and author Tim Challies:

Cuando comencé a escribir sobre pornografía, muchos cristianos se asombraban de descubrir, no solo la dimensión del problema, sino simplemente que existía un problema. Hoy, una década más tarde, la situación ha cambiado radicalmente y los cristianos están tan acostumbrados a escuchar sobre pornografía que casi ha llegado a ser aceptada como si fuera normal. Sin embargo, la pornografía sigue siendo tan peligrosa y devastadora como siempre. Por esa razón, estoy agradecido por recursos como este que continúan combatiendo en contra de esta plaga terrible.

Tim Challies, conocido blogger en www.challies.com, cofundador de Cruciform Press y autor de varios libros incluyendo Limpia tu mente.

* Photo by Sab Qadeer on Unsplash

Thank You for Helping Get My “Struggle” Book Translated into Spanish

Friends:

Last week I asked if you’d consider helping me publish a Spanish translation of my book Struggle Against Porn.

Great news—we made it! I had hoped to raise $700 for the translation, and we got there with a little room to spare. Please stop sending me money! We hope to have the book available for purchase early this summer.

Additionally, when the book is released in Spanish, Soldados de Jesucristo (a prominent Christian website in the Spanish-speaking world) will post all the chapters from the book in a long blog-series on their website. The material is so important, we want to make it freely and widely available to anyone who wants help.

If you missed last week’s blog post and want to hear about why I consider this project to be so critical, you can read about it here.

Thanks,
Benjamin

* Photo by Euan Cameron on Unsplash

Book Giveaway 3 of 5: Struggle Against Porn

I’ve written a blog post nearly every week for the last six years. During that same time, I’ve also written dozens of guest posts for various websites and even a few books. And I love this. It’s not a chore. Most of the time, writing feels like eating ice cream and running downhill.

But after six years, I’m getting tired. I need a small break.

You can watch the short video below for a better introduction, but as a way to get some rest while at the same time show appreciation to my blog readers, I’m giving away physical copies of all the books I’ve written. (If you watched the last video, the first 2:22 is the same; just skip ahead to hear about this week’s book.) For five weeks this summer, I’m giving away five paperback copies of each of the five books that I’ve written. Each week I’ll giveaway a different book.

The only thing you need to do to get a paperback book is sign up for my blog (here) and reply to the welcome email to send me your address. If you are already subscribed to my blog, please share this post with a friend who might like to subscribe and get a paperback book.

This week I’m giving away copies of Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart. When I began studying the topic of how Christian men overcome sexual sin, I never intended to write a book. The idea was just to create a booklet, something I could hand out during counseling and discipleship meetings. Yet the booklet kept growing and growing. During the writing process more than a few times the guys at our church office teased me about it. “Benjamin,” they’d ask, “how’s your pornography book going?” “It’s not a pornography book,” I’d respond. “It’s a book to help men struggle against it.”

The main reason I wrote the book, though, was not because I was frustrated with the men in my church. I was frustrated with myself as a pastor. I knew many struggled with pornography, yet in discipleship and counseling meetings I didn’t think I had much to offer. That’s what set me on the journey.

When I had an editor look over the material, he told me I should try to get it published. Eventually it was, and Tim Challies, author and popular blogger, wrote this endorsement:

When I first began writing about pornography, many Christians were shocked to learn about not just the scope of the problem, but that the problem existed at all. Today, a decade later, the situation has changed radically and Christians may be so accustomed to hearing about pornography that we’ve almost come to accept it as normal. Yet pornography remains as dangerous and devastating as ever. For that reason I’m thankful for resources like this one that continue to combat this terrible plague.

Today I’m giving away paperback copies of the book. If you’d like a copy or know someone who would, please share this post with them.

Fine Print:

1. You must subscribe to my email list (here).

2. You must be a new subscriber.

3. You must reply to the “welcome” email with your address.

4. You must have an address in the United States (sorry of you live elsewhere!)

Conquer Lust During the COVID-19 Lockdown (and a Free Audiobook)

Last year in April, I launched my book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart. I wrote it to help men struggle against lust, not with it.

Recently the publisher of the audiobook (One Audiobooks) allowed me to give away free copies of the audiobook. You can get them here. You’ll have to put in your email address and listen from the publisher’s website—but, hey, it’s still a free audiobook.

The COVID-19 lockdown creates many opportunities to trigger your lust. Below is a chapter from the book to help you overcome temptation. What are you doing to stay vigilant?

*     *     *

CHAPTER 20

Know Your Situational and Emotional Triggers; Take Precautions Accordingly

A friend of mine recently mentioned to me that when he moved across the country to start a new job, besides the stress from the move and new job, he also experienced unrelated financial pressures and a personal tragedy. “The desire to escape to fantasy,” he told me, “was strong.”

His point was porn is not the problem, not really. Our hearts crave understanding, acceptance, intimacy, empowerment, and celebration. Often we are tempted toward fantasy because we are not experiencing these things in our own life. Being aware of these deficits is key to fighting lust. This is especially true when we experience, as my friend did, a transition or crisis, which commonly triggers lust.

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During these times there are often situations and emotions that may make it harder to combat lust. In other words, there are certain things that pull the pin of your sexual grenade. These triggers do not cause immediate detonations, but they make damage nearly inevitable; it’s only a matter of time. Perhaps it’s a trigger for you to lie alone in bed on a Saturday morning when you’ve nothing else to do. Or maybe it’s traveling alone on business trips. You’re tired from travel, you miss your home, and television is a way to escape and experience fantasy. For others it’s working out at a certain gym.

We need to know our situational temptations and take precautions accordingly. When the alarm clock goes off, force yourself off the bed and out of the bedroom. To accomplish this, it might mean scheduling something early on Saturday mornings so you’re not idle in the first place. If work gets out of control, find healthy release. If your gym is a problem, buy some dumbbells for your basement.

For me, in those seasons where sexual activity in my marriage has been less frequent—whether because of my own health challenges with severe food allergies or because of my wife’s pregnancies or some other reason—I’ll occasionally have a wet dream. The desire to masturbate the next morning is strong. I know this now and can pray accordingly.

Nevertheless, triggers aren’t merely situational; they’re emotional too, often primarily so. Emotions such as stress can build up a desire for calm and release. When we’re hungry for advancement at work or some other change in our life situation, we get antsy and yearn to feel powerful and in control. When we are anxious, we feel like we’re failing at something. When we are angry, perhaps it is because our pride was wounded. When we’re lonely, sexual sin looks like a shortcut to companionship. When we’re bored, we want something new and exciting. When we’re just plain tired, our defenses are down.

Some triggers will be impossible to avoid, but as you experience them, fight to believe the promises of God even as you learn to recognize the false promises of sin, especially when they begin to whisper. Because by the time they’re shouting, they’ll be leading you to the “promised land”—and it’s often too late.

Whatever your triggers, whether they’re emotional or situational, the issue is the same: sin promises to be our savior. Sin promises to be the answer for boredom, the salve for our wounded ego. Sin promises to provide stability and a sense of control when everything else feels transient. Sin promises rest by streams of clear water when life is stressful. Sin points to the forbidden tree, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, saying, “Look, here’s the real tree of life.” But sin always promises more than she can deliver.

Instead of looking to sin when the waters of life are drowning you, look to the one who redeems you and calls you by name (Isa 43:1–3). He has shoulders of steel and the gospel of grace.

Diagnostic Questions:

1. Right now, are you experiencing life transitions or crises that are tempting you to escape into sinful fantasy?

2. What are your situational triggers? What can you do to prevent them from “pulling your pin”? If you don’t know what they are, pray about it and ask God to show you. Also, consider keeping a mental or written log to track when you have looked at porn so that you can identify commonalities.

3. What are your emotional triggers? Hunger, anxiety, anger, loneliness, fatigue, boredom? If you’re not sure, pray and think it over.

4. Sexual sin promises to be the savior of these emotions, but how is sin a disappointing savior? In what ways does the real Savior, the real gospel message, offer better salvation?

* Photo by Stijn Swinnen on Unsplash

A Video Series for Men

I created a 10-day video series to help men struggle against porn. Also included with the videos is a free ebook called 50 Questions for Accountability Meetings, which gives you tons of questions to consider as you struggle against lust and pornography.

Cultivate the Fear of the Lord: The “Struggle” Audiobook Is Available

In the spring my book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart was published by Rainer Publishing. The audiobook is finally available for purchase. David K. Martin did a fantastic job narrating the book.

You can buy the audiobook at Amazon and Audible and soon at Hoopla, Overdrive, and ChristianAudio.

The sample listed with the audiobook comes from Chapter 13 of the book: “Cultivate the Fear of the Lord.” Below is the text of that chapter and a way to listen. I’d love for you to check out the book.

Thanks,
Benjamin

*     *     *

Chapter 13: Cultivate the Fear of the Lord

This part of the book (Cross-Training) began with the admonition to cultivate humility. Now I’ll close with the admonition to cultivate the fear of the Lord.

We often assume fear is a negative thing, which it can be. Christians shouldn’t live with the fear that God doesn’t love us. At the core of the gospel is the propitiation of God’s wrath. Any and all wrath that ought to have fallen on sinners like us was averted from God’s children and placed on Jesus (Rom 3:21–26). Therefore, we’ve nothing left to fear; the price has been paid, and the punishment has been absorbed by the Lamb of God. As John writes, “There is no fear in love but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love” (1 John 4:18).

However, we ought to cultivate a healthy fear of the Lord. Proverbs maintains that fear is the beginning of wisdom (1:7; 9:10). When I speak of healthy fear, I mean the fear of disappointing God. I mean awe at the splendor of his majesty and wonder over his creative power. I mean reverence in response to his wrath and his justice. I mean astonishment over his loving-kindness, which has been lavished upon us in the gospel. As the apostle Paul writes, “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God” (2 Cor 7:1).

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We also ought to cultivate a fear of our own capacity to sin. Apart from the restraining grace of God, we’re not beyond committing any sin (Gen 20:6). It might seem ridiculous to you that someday you would view porn on five Internet browsers at the same time, but it’s not beyond you. If you’re familiar with the Lord of the Rings novels, you’ve seen this concept dramatized. The characters who have the greatest respect for the power of the ring and the greatest fear of how they themselves might abuse it become the safest and most helpful to the cause (Gandalf, Aragorn, and Galadriel). On the other hand, those who are the most overconfident in their own incorruptible ability become a threat (Boromir).

This truth became clear to me during an event in college. The man who discipled me also met regularly with one of the athletic coaches who was investigating Christianity. One day he told me this coach was having trouble becoming a Christian because of all the shame he felt from “real sins.” By this, I think he meant things that so-called good Christians would never do. I remember my friend looked at me and asked, “Take stealing, for example. When was the last time you stole something?”

I said, “I dunno.” And then the conversation moved on to other things.

The very next day, as I was munching on the sausage pizza I’d just stolen, I remembered our conversation. No, I hadn’t just robbed a Dominos, but I did make an on-campus “lunch and learn” a “loot and leave.”

Though I see the point about “real sins,” I also believe we all need to be more afraid of our own capacity to sin. We need guardrails to keep ourselves from veering and driving off a dangerous cliff.

For example, it’s sometimes necessary as a pastor to have a private conversation with a woman. But when I do, I’m always very careful to have other people around. When I email women, I keep my tone formal. When my wife and I go on a date, if our babysitter is a female teenager who doesn’t drive, I’ll never be the one to drive her home.

To some, these measures may seem like overkill or paranoia but taking no precautions would be assuming I’m more spiritual than King David. Many issues led David to be alone on a roof at the time when kings were supposed to go out to battle (2 Sam 11:1). Had he established proper guardrails, the naked woman named Bathsheba might have never caught his eye, and even if she did, he may have dealt with the temptation differently.

Again, cultivating a fear of our own capacity to sin is a corollary of cultivating a healthy fear of the Lord. Apart from the restraining grace of God, we’re not beyond any sin, sexual or otherwise, which brings us right back to where this section started: cultivating humility.

Diagnostic Questions:

1. When you hear the phrase “the fear of the Lord,” what comes to mind?

2. How might fear of the Lord help you in your pursuit of purity?

3. What practical steps can you take to cultivate “good, healthy” fear—fear of the Lord and fear of our capacity to sin?

4. Are there certain sins you feel are beyond you? If so, which sins and why? In what ways are you different from those who commit those sins?

5. Guardrails aren’t necessary everywhere—only where danger exists. What guardrails have you placed in your life to keep you from driving over a cliff?

Help Share My “Struggle” Book with Pastors?

I wrote the book Struggle Against Porn because I was frustrated—but probably not for the reasons you’d think. My main frustration was me.

Whether in college ministry or in a local church, I’ve often found myself meeting with guys who struggle with lust and pornography. I’d go into these meetings wanting to be helpful, but I’d leave frustrated. I’d want to share truth and hope and encouragement and strategies to win the war, but I’d flounder. I’m not sure I’d use the phrase “pastoral malpractice,” but that’s what it started to feel like. Eventually this frustration gave rise to a few years of reading and writing and thinking about how to help men struggle against pornography. Out of the research came the short book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart.

Giving the “Struggle” Book to Pastors

Next week on October 8–9, church leaders from our denomination will gather for a conference (info here). My church belongs to the Evangelical Free Church of America (EFCA), which is broken up into 17 different districts. The Eastern District—the district I’m a part of—has our annual conference. If you’ve been following my blog for the last few months, then you’ve heard me talk about my ordination exam, which takes place on the first day of the conference.

I’ve been working with those in leadership to find a way to give my book to all 260 conference attendees. I asked the publisher to lower the price, which they did. My district office helped offset some of the costs, as did another generous donor. I’ve covered the rest with my own money. It costs about $7 per book to give them away. If you’d consider buying a book for a pastor, that would help a ton. The total cost was just under $2,000, and I’m a few hundred short or about 70 books. You can donate by clicking the button below.

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But whether the cost gets covered or not, I couldn’t be more excited to help other pastors as they help men walk with God in joy and purity.

A Note from Our Church District Superintendent

We’re placing each book in an envelope for the purpose of discretion. The cover of the book, which I had nothing to do with, is obnoxiously unambiguous. Yes, I said that about my own book. Trust me, no one ever reads this book at Starbucks. But on the front of the envelope, we’ve printed a note from the leader of our district, Eddie Cole. Here’s what he wrote.

Dear Church Leader:

We all know there are too many challenges facing our people for us to become experts on every issue. Sexual sin is one of those issues. It affects all of our churches and many of our leaders and volunteers. Some of our people have an occasional, low-grade struggle with pornography. For others, their struggle is persistent and acute. Both need the good news of the grace of God applied to their hearts with pastoral care.

By ourselves, we can’t be everything to everyone, which is why we often say we are better together—as a district and a national movement. At this year’s conference we’re excited to give away a book written by one of our own district pastors. It’s a book to help men struggle proactively against pornography, not struggle passively with it. We hope this resource helps you as you help others walk faithfully with God.

Sincerely,

Eddie Cole
Eastern District Superintendent of the EFCA

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* all donations are not tax refundable.

“Struggle...” Book Launches Today

Launching today—after three years of work—you can buy my book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart (Amazon).

I wrote the book because many men struggle with porn but only a few struggle against it. And there’s a huge difference between the two. Through biblical reflection and more than one hundred questions for personal and group discussion, my goal in writing this book is to help men battle against sexual sin—to slay lust and cultivate love.

Below are the endorsements for the book. I’d love for you to consider buying a copy. Also, I put together a free video series and ebook to go with the book, which you can get here: jumpstart your struggle.

*     *     *

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“When I first began writing about pornography, many Christians were shocked to learn about not just the scope of the problem, but that the problem existed at all. Today, a decade later, the situation has changed radically and Christians may be so accustomed to hearing about pornography that we’ve almost come to accept it as normal. Yet pornography remains as dangerous and devastating as ever. For that reason I’m thankful for resources like this one that continue to combat this terrible plague.”
     Tim Challies,
     popular blogger at www.challies.com, co-founder of Cruciform Press, and author of several books including Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn

“Struggle Against Porn is a great blend of practical wisdom and gospel promises. The result is a book that will help you fight against porn while also giving you hope.”
     Tim Chester,
     pastor of Grace Church Boroughbridge, UK, a faculty member of Crosslands Training, and the author of over 40 books including Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free

“The great Puritan theologian John Owen warned, ‘Be killing sin or it will be killing you.’ Struggling Against Porn is a serious, sin-killing book. Benjamin Vrbicek doesn’t tolerate the lackadaisical attitude so prevalent among Christian men who merely ‘struggle with’ porn. He wants to help them conquer it. By drawing our attention to core truths and practical instructions, Vrbicek has given us a battle plan for victory.”
     Drew Dyck,
     acquisitions editor at Moody Publishers, a senior editor at CTPastors.com, and author of several books

“Our enemy would have us do anything but look at Jesus. His seductive temptations are sinister, and we must be ready to combat them. Struggle Against Porn provides men with a raw, accessible, and insightful resource to help consider Gospel truths and how they apply to the daily battle for sexual purity.”
     Garrett Kell,
     lead pastor of Del Ray Baptist Church in Alexandria, Virginia and associate council member of The Gospel Coalition

“I’m thankful for this new resource from Benjamin—one of my favorite new Christian writers. Read deeply as you invest your life in pushing back the darkness of pornography, this great epidemic of our generation.”
     Jeremy Linneman,
     pastor of Trinity Community Church in Columbia, Missouri and the author of Life-Giving Groups

* Photo by mnm.all on Unsplash

Next Week My Book “Struggle Against Porn” Launches

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After a ton of research, writing, and re-writing (and then a lot more re-writing!), my book to help men struggle against pornography is finally ready to launch next week. The title is Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart.

I wrote the book because many men struggle with porn but only a few struggle against it. And there’s a huge difference between the two.

Look at it like this. If something were wrong with your car, you’d bring it into an auto shop for inspection. The first thing the mechanic would do is hook your car up to a computer for a diagnostic checkup. In a similar way, Struggle Against Porn is designed to be a diagnostic checkup for your head and your heart. Through biblical reflection and more than one hundred questions for personal and group discussion, my goal in writing this book is to help men battle against sexual sin—to slay lust and cultivate love.

Below is the table of contents. I’d love for you to consider buying a copy when it launches.

*      *     *

FOREWORD by Greg Strand

INTRODUCTION: AGAINST NOT WITH

PART I: FOUNDATIONS

1. “Verily, Verily, I Say unto Thee, Ye Must Be Born Again”
2. Believe Sexual Sin Is Wrong and Cultivate a Hatred of It
3. Fight for Superior Joys
4. Recognize the Grave Danger
5. Run like the Wind
6. Make It Personal: The Women Are Real Image Bearers

PART II: CROSS-TRAINING

7. Cultivate Humility
8. Plant the Bible in the Soil of Your Heart
9. Don’t Avoid Conflict; Engage It
10. Run from and Become Indifferent to Flattery
11. Be Intoxicated with Your Wife
12. Avoid “Dude Talk”
13. Cultivate the Fear of the Lord

PART III: THE NITTY-GRITTY

14. Stop (S-T-O-P!) Masturbating
15. Don’t Be Alone with Sexual Temptation
16. Pursue Deep, Gospel Friendships
17. Only Have Computers (Including Tablets and Smartphones) in Public Areas
18. Install Accountability Software on All Devices
19. Cut Off All Access to Sexually Stimulating Media
20. Know Your Situational and Emotional Triggers; Take Precautions Accordingly
21. Use Visual Smelling Salts to Resist Sexual Sin
22. Share the Existence of the Struggle with Your Wife
23. Go to Bed When Your Wife Goes to Bed
24. Communicate Your Sexual Needs to Your Wife
25. Treat the Sexual Needs of Your Wife as More Important Than Your Own
26. As Needed, Seek Professional Help

PART IV: A BRIGHT FUTURE

27. Become a Passionate Teacher and a Spiritual Father
28. Understand the Lord’s Discipline as His Training of the Sons He Dearly Loves
29. Whatever You Do, Don’t Stop Serving Jesus

CONCLUSION: ONE MAN, TWO STORIES

NOTES

* Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

The Story of a Book: Struggle Against...

Nearly 1,000 days ago, there was a men’s breakfast at our church. I didn’t expect much more from the breakfast than to eat bacon, drink coffee, and chat with a few men from our church. I was wrong.

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The leader of the devotional that morning talked about the struggle with pornography—why it was bad and what to do about it. As a pastor of a local church, I had known for some time that I needed to do better at helping the men in our church in this area, but until then, I hadn’t done anything about it. So I was glad he took the risk.

When the speaker was finished, men asked questions. I raised my hand and said,

“Let’s say there is someone here this morning who believes everything you just said—he believes lust and pornography are wrong and that God wants better for us—but he isn’t sure what practical steps to take so that he can fight against this sin.”

Then I asked, “What are a few practical steps you might tell this person so he can better struggle against pornography?”

The leader said something like, “Well, there are a number of men here this morning who might be able to comment on that.” Then he looked around the room and said, “Guys, what are practical things you’ve found helpful in the struggle against pornography?”

What followed for the next half hour was suggestion after suggestion on practical tips to fight against pornography. I typed notes on my phone as fast as my thumbs could go. That afternoon I texted some friends who might be able to add to the list of practical steps. And they did. Lot’s of suggestions poured in by text and email.

That day was 969 days ago, the summer of 2016.

I never planned to write a book about what I learned. But that’s what happened. That men’s breakfast was the day that I first began writing what would become, Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart.

If I did have aspirations to write a book, it was only for a booklet, that is, something I might be able to use as a reference in counseling sessions. But the booklet kept expanding, eventually outgrowing the need for the ending “let.”

Still, I only expected to use the book in our local church. When I hired Russell Meek as an editor, he told me the book was better than I had realized and that I should consider publishing it, which I had previously not considered. So Russ and I passed it around and eventually got a yes. (Thank you, Russ!) Rainer Publishing offered me my first book contract. That was 596 days ago, the summer of 2017.

I worked on the book for a year and turned in the completed manuscript along with endorsements on July 9, 2018, which is 254 days ago. That’s almost 2 years to the day since the men’s breakfast triggered the writing process.

As an aside, if you’re getting the sense that books take time to write and publish, you’re right. It’s a slow process.

But that process is almost complete. A few days ago the publisher sent me the final draft of the book cover.

It shouldn’t be long now before you can buy it. And when the publisher releases the book, I hope and pray that it serves the church well by supplying a fuller answer to my question over 3 years ago: What does it look like for a Christian to be proactive in his struggle against pornography?

Porn: The Killer of Missions

I’d love to share with you an interview I recently did on a podcast about the topic of pornography and how to struggle against it. The Missions Podcast is hosted by Scott Dunford and Alex Kocman, who both work for ABWE, an international missions organization. Scott has also been one of the pastor-elders at our church for the last few years and has become a good friend.

You can listen to the podcast on iTunes, Stitcher, or Google Play. Or you can simply listen below.

One thing to note: A few times in the interview we reference my new book about this topic. Well, it’s so “new” that it’s not even out yet! Bummer. Please be patient and stay tuned. It’s in the publication process now!

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Here’s what Alex wrote for an intro to our conversation:

In our culture, sexual temptation is hitting the church like a tidal wave, and those serving overseas as missionaries are far from immune. Porn is a fatal undercurrent that Satan uses to eliminate gospel workers sniper-style and cripple missions efforts, and overseas workers separated from accountability and friends are particularly vulnerable.

What factors drive a person in full-time ministry to pornography for comfort, control, or stress relief—and what gospel hope is there for someone struggling? This week we sat down in-studio with Benjamin Vrbicek, teaching pastor at Community Evangelical Free Church in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania and author of the upcoming book Struggle Against Porn: 29 Diagnostic Tests for Your Head and Heart.

* Photo by Tom Ritson on Unsplash

15 Articles to Help You in Your Struggle Against Porn

I’m slowly winding down the research for my book on pornography (forthcoming with Rainer Publishing late in 2018). And over the last two weeks, I read dozens and dozens of blog posts about the topic written by Christian authors. I even printed them out and scribbled notes in the margins. The word count total for the articles was 105k, or about the size of two non-fiction books.

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Below are my favorite 15 articles. I chose them based on some combination of profundity (e.g., Russell Moore’s about the connection between video games and porn) and beautiful prose (e.g., both posts by Samuel James). A few others I include because they address some aspect of the struggle often not covered (e.g., Jason DeRouchie’s about masturbation; Rebekah Hannah’s and Ashley Peterson’s about women using pornography; and John Fort’s about when your children tell you they have seen pornography).

I read articles from many different websites, but the below articles are from Desiring God (6), The Gospel Coalition (2), Tim Challies (2), BradHambrick.com (2), For The Church (1), The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission (1), and Covenant Eyes (1).

I hope you find them helpful as we struggle against porn, not with it.

“I Hate Porn”
by Eric Simmons (Desiring God)

“Fake Love, Fake War: Why So Many Men Are Addicted to Internet Porn and Video Games”
by Russell Moore (Desiring God)

“Sexual Sin in the Ministry”
by Harry Schaumburg (Desiring God)

“How to Fight Addiction in a Pornographic Culture”
by Voddie Baucham (Desiring God)

“If Your Right Hand Causes You to Sin: Ten Biblical Reflections on Masturbation”
by Jason DeRouchie (Desiring God)

“The Fearful and Wonderful Art of Flirting: Seven Warnings for the Digital Age”
by Tony Reinke (Desiring God)

“Women Use Porn Too”
by Rebekah Hannah (The Gospel Coalition)

“I Was a Pastor Hooked on Porn”
by Garrett Kell (The Gospel Coalition)

“Sex on the Silver Screen”
by Tim Challies (Challies.com)

“Sex on the Silver Screen – Outsourcing our Depravity”
by Tim Challies (Challies.com)

“19 Possible Motive-Triggers for Pornography”
by Brad Hambrick (BradHambrick.com)

“Teacups and Playboy: Women and Sexual Sin”
by Ashley Peterson (BradHambrick.com)

“The One Ring and Pornography”
by Samuel James (For The Church)

“Tinder Mercies–Or, How Porn Destroyed Sex”
by Samuel James (The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission)

“How to React the First Time Your Child Admits Watching Porn”
by John Fort (Covenant Eyes)

Do you have a favorite post not listed above? If so, let me know in the comments below. 

* Photo by Marjan Grabowski on Unsplash.

The 50-Week Plan to Finish My Book on Pornography

I was listening to a podcast the other day and heard a musician say one of the most practical things an artist can do to achieve a goal is “going public” with the goal. The pastor who was interviewing the musician mentioned that he agreed, saying deadlines and outside expectations are a good thing for creativity. He added, “If there wasn’t Sunday, I’d never complete a sermon” (Pastor Colin Smith interviewing musician Dave Radford on Readers and Writers).

Here I stand; I’m going public with my goal. I’ve never written a book for a publisher, but this summer I signed a contract to do just that. It’s a book to help men struggle against (not with) pornography. And—Lord willing—by June 25, 2018, I’ll complete the draft of the manuscript.

So what’s the best plan to get ‘er done?

I’m not actually sure what is “the best” way forward. I’m making this up as I go. But below is where the project seems to be trending.

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I realize this post won’t interest 90% of my readers, but, as I said above, apparently telling people I’m going to do something is supposed to actually help me do it. Thanks for the peer pressure.

Skimming the 50-week schedule, you’ll notice three things. First, I had already done a lot of research, but not as deep or as wide as is necessary (see Weeks 13–24). Second, because I had already written the book, and it was too long, I need to take out 35% of the words (see Week 25 & 26). Finally, you’ll notice there are numerous breaks where I’m not actively working on the project. Those are strategic too. They provide rest and perspective (you can’t see you the book’s faults when your nose is pressed against it).

If you read any part of this blog post, “thank you” in advance for being your brother’s keeper.

*     *     *

June 17, 2017
Week 1 | Draft of manuscript accepted by publisher; contract signed

July 24 to October 2, 2017
[Week 2 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 3 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 4 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 5 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 6 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 7 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 8 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 9 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 10 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 11 | Take a break from project to work on another book]
[Week 12 | Take a break from project to work on another book]

October 9, 2017
Week 13 | Restart working on this book; read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 14 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 15 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 16 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 17 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 18 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 19 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 20 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 21 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 22 | Read 2 more books on the topic of sexuality
Week 23 | Read 25 blog posts on the topic of sexuality
Week 24 | Read 25 blog posts on the topic of sexuality

January 1 to 29, 2018
Week 25 | Cut down word count by 10,000 words because my previous draft was too long
Week 26 | Cut down word count by another 5,000 words
Week 27 | Rewrite, general
Week 28 | Rewrite, general (cont.)
Week 29 | Rewrite, general (cont.)

February 5, 2018
Week 30 | Send to a professional editor

February 12 to 19, 2018
Week 31 | Send networking email to authors I cite in my book and others who have written on the topic
Week 32 | Send networking emails (cont.)

February 26, 2018
[Week 33 | Break for other projects]

March 5 to April 9, 2018
Week 34 | Manuscript returned from professional editor
Week 35 | Rewrite, general
Week 36 | Send copy to potential “foreword author”
Week 37 | Secure “foreword author”; send to and secure potential “blurb” writers”
Week 38 | Give to my copastor for review and comments
Week 39 | Give to 20 beta readers for review and comments

April 16 to May 21, 2018
[Week 40 | Break for other projects]
[Week 41 | Break for other projects]
[Week 42 | Break for other projects]
[Week 43 | Break for other projects]
[Week 44 | Break for other projects]
[Week 45 | Break for other projects]

May 28 to June 11, 2018
Week 46 | All feedback from copastor and beta readers due
Week 47 | General rewrites; also the foreword and all blurbs due
Week 48 | General rewrites (cont.); send foreword & blurbs to professional editor

June 18, 2017
Week 49 | Submit complete manuscript (including foreword & blurbs) to Rainer Publishing

June 25, 2018
Week 50 | Rest, because—Lord willing—the submittal of the project was completed one week early

* Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash.

I Signed a Book Contract

I mentioned I was going to take a month off from blogging. We just had a baby, and I need a break—and sleep! But I’m breaking my promise to share a quick update, although I’m not convinced this post technically counts as a full return to writing blog posts!

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Regardless, I’m posting to let people know that yesterday I signed a book contract. This is a first for me. The book is with Rainer Publishing. They publish short books aimed at helping the local church.

The premise of the book is that many churchgoing men have a struggle with pornography. But few struggle against pornography. My book will equip Christian men to fight against it.

I’ve written about this before, and I suspect you’ll hear more from me on this topic! The manuscript is due next summer, and the book should, Lord willing, come out in the fall of 2018. Please be praying for me. Also, please send the names of your favorite books and blog posts on the topic. Feel free to share them in the comment section or by email.

It’s way too early to gather a “launch team” to help with book promotion. But if that’s something you’re interested in, well, hang on for a year! I’d love to have your help then!

[Picture by Mark Solarski / Unsplash]

A Pornography Sea Change

I’ve spent the last year working on a book to help men struggle against the temptations of pornography and other sexual sins. After a full year, I feel like I’m climbing a huge mountain yet still only nearing the first basecamp. There’s such a long way to go.

There are many reasons why I’ve made this a priority for research and writing, but for starters let me mention this: the issues in culture and in our churches related to pornography abuse are only going to increase as technology becomes more advanced and pornography becomes more abundant. In fact, pornography has driven much of the technological advancements we now enjoy in hundreds of other, nobler applications.

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We are experiencing a sea change. Think about this with me. The Playboys of old were largely inaccessible to young men, save when some kid nabbed a few of them from his father or uncle’s secret stash. Those who were old enough to purchase pornography for themselves could only do so by pushing through the stigma associated with buying a magazine wrapped in plastic behind the counter. Maybe not a big hurdle, but it was something.

Not to mention this too—even once obtained, these images were still shots, motionless images. Videos, of course, existed, but again with the accessibility issues. Cable television companies offered upgrades for channels so homes could get stations such as Cinemax, which my friends called Skinemax, but apart from the occasionally free promotional weekend or a visit to someone’s house that had it, again it was mostly inaccessible.

And let’s talk about the videos themselves. Often, so I’m told, there were attempts at plot and characterization and story. Cheesy as the porn movies might have been, they were more than just bodies slapping together.

Now, however, via smartphones and nearly ubiquitous Wi-Fi and high-speed Internet, all manner of pornographic images are available to me in seconds—millions and millions of photos: affordable, accessible, and anonymous. If I get bored with one picture or website, I go to another. And another. Miss January, Miss February, and Miss March separated, not by 31 days, but by the millisecond it takes to swipe my thumb right. Then, if I want, I can switch porn genres. And even if I don’t want to, the Internet-linking techniques and pop-up windows will push me to do so, and do so with increasing explicitness.

This inexhaustible supply goes for videos too, except they are not the same movies as before. Instead, like heroin that has been boiled down to an exponentially more concentrated form, the videos that are now streamed over high-speed Internet have been cropped to include only their most explicit content. Clip, after clip, after clip, after clip of nothing but bodies slapping together.

Affordable, accessible, anonymous, abundant, and addictive.

See what I mean. The world has not yet begun to see the effects of this sea change. 

[Picture by Dennis Cortés / Unsplash]

40 Strategies to Struggle Against Porn

A few years ago, if a man had asked me, “What does it look like to struggle against pornography?” I’m not sure I would have had an answer, not one I could articulate anyway.

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For the last few months, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing about the topic of pornography. I’m not ready to post any of the findings yet, but I thought I’d show you where the “table of contents” is headed. Look for more on this topic from me in 2017.

*     *     *

Introduction

Part I: Foundations

1. Verily, verily, I say unto thee, ye must be born-again.
2. Get your worldview right. [Sex is not god or gross. Sex is a good gift from a good God.]
3. Acknowledge the beauty of the lordship of Christ in all of life.
4. Believe sexual sin is wrong and cultivate a hatred of it.
5. Fight for superior joys.
6. Recognize the grave danger.
7. Run like the wind.
8. Pray.
9. Make it personal: the women are real image bearers.
10. Remember that your holiness (and sin) affects the whole body.
11. Through confession and repentance, expose sin to the light.

Part II: Cross-Training

12. Cultivate humility.
13. Replace harmful thoughts with healthy ones.
14. Memorize Scripture strategically.
15. Maintain a strong devotional life.
16. Don’t avoid conflict; engage it.
17. Run from, and become indifferent to, flattery.
18. Be intoxicated with your wife.
19. Avoid “dude-talk.”
20. Fill your life with things you love.
21. Cultivate the fear of the Lord.

Part III: The Nitty-Gritty

22. Stop masturbating.
23. Don’t be alone with sexual temptation.
24. Have an accountability partner.
25. Only have computers (including tablets and smartphones) in public areas.
26. Install accountability software on all devices.
27. Always be reading a book about the topic.
28. Cut off all access to sexually stimulating media.
29. Know your situational and emotional triggers; take precautions accordingly.
30. Use visual “smelling salts” to resist sexual sin.
31. Share the existence of the struggle with your spouse.
32. Go to bed when your wife goes to bed.
33. Communicate your sexual needs to your spouse.
34. Treat the sexual needs of your spouse as more important than your own.
35. As needed, seek professional help.

Part IV: A Bright Future

36. Become a passionate teacher and a spiritual father.
37. Maintain gospel-identity.
38. Understand the Lord’s discipline as his training of the sons he dearly loves.
39. Cling to Christian hope.
40. Whatever you do, don’t stop serving Jesus.

Conclusion

[Picture by Gilles Lambert / Unsplash]