Are You as Connected to the Church as You Want to Be?

The apostle Paul pastored the church in Corinth, not out of a sense of obligation, but out of openness and love. “We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open,” he tells them.

Yet issues existed between them that he needed to address. “You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections.” It seems something, or perhaps many things, had restricted their love from returning to Paul. So he pleads, “In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also” (2 Cor. 6:11–13).

Calling them children could sound demeaning, but Paul means it in an endearing way. In a previous letter, Paul told them, “For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel” (1 Cor. 4:15). Paul loved them as a loving father. Despite the many bumps in their relationship, he wanted their hearts not to be restricted.

This may surprise people, but I have found that the biggest wet blanket in pastoral ministry is not people who leave our church with a big stink, making all kinds of noise after all kinds of meetings. I mean, I don’t love that. But vocal departures have the advantage of bringing clarity; they don’t leave me wondering if restrictions existed and, if so, what they were.

The biggest wet blanket in ministry, in my experience, is being ghosted; it’s when people quiet quit and just disappear. Poof. That is what I find so hard.

Paul would have found that hard too. In fact, this seems to be the crux of the reason for his plea. The vision of ministry Paul has is not merely exchanging goods and services for a salary. Paul’s ministry among them was not like Facebook Marketplace: You want something? Great, I’ll give it to you for a price. If you want sermons, if you want leadership, if you want truth? Here’s the price. That works well enough on Facebook Marketplace, but it wasn’t the way Paul served churches. He lovingly labored among them as a father, longing for them to follow his loving example, even as he follows Christ (cf. 1 Cor. 11:1).

And yet, in return, they remain closed. “You are restricted in your own affections,” he writes. When I read that, I think of the human body, the heart and veins and arteries and cholesterol and plaque buildup. Your body needs open veins and arteries, not clogged ones. Restrictions can cause heart attacks and strokes. Paul is telling them that his affection flows one way, but it’s not coming back. He’s asking them to consider why, and take steps in the right direction—because this situation can’t abide long without serious consequences.

Once upon a time, I knew a guy I’ll call Steve. Steve attended the first church where I served as a pastor. We met shortly after I’d been hired, maybe only three weeks into the job. The church had hired me as their Associate Pastor of Teaching and Connections. I’d preach occasionally, but mainly I’d help people get connected.

On one of those first few Sundays, I found myself handing out bulletins at the sanctuary door. Steve walks in, and I hand him a bulletin. He says to me, “So you’re the new guy.” He has a sort of funny smirk on his face. He seems happy to see me. We talk for a minute, and he asks, “So what do you do here?” I return the smirk and say, “I help people get connected.”

Steve just raises his eyebrows and says, “Oh.” I smile back at him, give him a serious, overly dramatic look, and say, “So, Steve . . . do you feel connected?” It seemed like a funny thing to say.

He snaps the bulletin from my hand and says, “I’m as connected as I want to be.” Then he walks into church.

I thought I had made a terrible mistake. “That guy hates me,” I worried. “If I can’t hand out bulletins without making people mad, how can I be a connections pastor?”

Steve and I became friends over the next few years. What I didn’t know when Steve first told me he “was as connected as he wanted to be” was that he was attending our church while going through a period of intense healing from a difficult situation. He was still raw. I’ll leave the details aside, but at that time, Steve truly was as connected as he wanted to be. When I learned more about him, I didn’t blame him for owning his unconnected-ness.

But what I came to love about Steve was that he knew being restricted and guarded was not a viable long-term strategy. Steve never intended to remain permanently restricted, to remain intentionally casually connected to the body of Christ. Slowly, patiently, purposefully, he knew he needed to keep opening himself up to others. And as he did, he got better.

Sometimes, though, I wonder whether too many Christians view being “as connected as they want to be” as their permanent plan. Perhaps you even feel right now, as Steve did then, that you have all the connection you want, thank you very much.

Okay, fine, I get it. Still, I must ask: Is that your long-term strategy?

The heart of Christ for his children—as expressed in Paul’s heart for the Corinthian church—is an open heart that pumps love without restriction to all parts of the body and then back again. The heart of all local church pastors, when thinking and pastoring rightly, longs for more than Facebook Marketplace, more than a dispassionate, aloof exchange of religious goods and services. Such a thought would have been abhorrent to Paul. I think all pastors find it abhorrent too. And I think all Christians, when we’re thinking rightly, feel the same.

Has anything restricted your love for your own church, its leadership, and the people within it? Maybe those restrictions have a good explanation. Maybe you’ve been hurt. Maybe you’ve even hurt others. So maybe now is a time to be more withdrawn as you seek healing.

But I still ask: Is remaining aloof your ten-year plan for your relationship with the local church and the people you serve? God has created longings within his people for something more than mere attendance.

And to the pastors reading this, I don’t want to assume you’re not hurt as well. Perhaps it’s your love that’s become restricted. You might have good reasons for that blockage. But don’t let that be your long-term strategy either. Restrictions in the body rarely improve without intentional effort.

With the help of Christ, what concrete steps could you take today to move toward others? If you don’t know, start with prayer and ask a friend.

* Photo by Bruno BD on Unsplash