9 Tips for Speaking at a Retreat

Please forgive the self-serving nature of this post. I know most of my readers have neither spoken at a church retreat nor will they ever. This last weekend, I only did so for the first time. My former church asked me to speak at their men’s retreat. It was a long but wonderful weekend.

Because this was my first, during the weeks leading up to the retreat I asked some friends who have spoken at retreats for advice. Here are nine of the best tips I received.

1. Speak to your audience.

I put stress on the word “your” because it may or may not be the same demographics that you’re used to, say, your local church. Therefore, as much as possible, determine who is the “typical attendee.” The host of the event should be able to help you figure out things like age, marital status, and education. It makes a difference if those who attend are largely young professionals or retired blue-collar workers. Also, ask about the level of Christian maturity. Are they mostly people who are, to use the words in 1 John, fathers in the faith or young children? There will always be outliers, but knowing the core audience will help you tailor the applications and illustrations.

2. Listen to the church’s sermons.

Listening to sermons gives a sense of the type of teaching they are regularly exposed to. As you listen, note things such as length (short or long), style (formal/declarative or informal/conversational), and focus (topical or expository). It seems to me that for a retreat speaker to be successful, he can be different from the typical diet of preaching, but he can’t be too different. Sudden changes in diet tend to cause discomfort. For my retreat, I listened to around 15 messages, which wasn’t too hard because I did it on my morning bike rides in the weeks leading up to the retreat.

3. Go deep in the Bible.

A retreat is a unique time. There is space for things you can’t do in other contexts. The attendees of a local church are often transient. This makes it hard to build from week to week; as soon as you make some progress, you have to start over again for those who missed last week’s message. But at a retreat, people aren’t going anywhere. They all heard your last message, which by the way, was only a few hours ago. Therefore, use each of your talks like basecamps up some Bible “mountain.” When you finally summit, both you and they will feel like something worthwhile was accomplished.

3. “Low tech” is better than “high tech.”

Technology is a great thing, but in the context of a retreat, I find excessive technology distracting. I have a philosophical reason for this and a practical one. First, the philosophical reason. People at the retreat are there to connect with others and with God. It’s a time away from the ordinary demands of life; it is, after all, called a retreat. And in a world that is constantly noisy, both audibly and visually, one bonus gift that you can give to your listeners is a technology Sabbath. On the practical side, I’ll add that retreats often take place at “offsite” locations, which means the exact setup is often unknown. Will they have the proper adapter for your laptop? And what if the Wi-Fi goes down and you can’t show that clip that was so important to your second message? It’s better to print handouts if you must have visuals.

4. Join the retreat; don’t just speak at it.

This means that you’ll need to have your messages completed beforehand. Sure, you might want to read over them before each session, but don’t plan to write them. And if it comes down to a choice between a more polished message and tossing the football with the guys, choose fellowship every time.

5. Model transparency.

The stated reason for why people joined the retreat will vary. Some came simply because a friend asked them, while others needed a vacation. And still others, though less than you might expect, came because they were excited about the topic of the retreat. But behind all the reasons, surely those who are leading the event desire that each person will do business with God. You, as the speaker, must set the tone for this. A shiny, sparkly speaker will make for superficial conversations. The audience will be able to tell if all your applications are just “for them” not “for us.” In short, teach the Word as one who is also under the Word.

6. Make it about one thing.

We all tend to compartmentalize. And if a speaker tries to cover 12 topics, listeners will shut down, like a computer running too many functions. Precision and depth on one theme will produce more change than greater coverage. In this way, it’s best to see each of the retreat messages as a larger version of a sermon; good sermons can have two points or they can have ten, but regardless, to be an effective sermon, it must be about one thing. Whatever point you’re making at the retreat, make it again and again. If you sing one song—albeit sometimes with different harmonies—they’ll remember the tune.

8. Include stories and movie clips.

People love stories. I think this is why so much of the Bible is narrative. Indeed, most of Jesus’s public ministry consisted of telling them. And even the parts of the Bible that are didactic, say the Prophets or the Epistles, these fit into a larger historical narrative, the story of redemptive history. At my retreat, I didn’t show any movie clips because of the technology involved (see #3 above), but also because it’s just what I do in my normal context (see #9 below). Still, I tried to tell a few yarns.

9. Above all, be yourself.

Finally, they didn’t hire John Piper or Matt Chandler to speak; they hired you. If you try to be like “so-and-so,” you’ll exhaust yourself and your hearers. Know what you do well and do that.

* The content for my retreat is here.

[Picture by Pexels]

What Holds You Captive?

Over the years, I’ve attended a number of men’s retreats, even helping to organize a few of them. But I’ve never been asked to be the main speaker for one—until now. Recently, my former church asked me to speak at their retreat. It’s coming up the first weekend in August.

The theme was set by the church, though I was encouraged to massage it some. We’ll be talking about the things that tend to imprison men. For a number of reasons, this seemed like a great chance to spend a weekend in the book of Judges, a book packed with men who were imprisoned by their sin, men who “did what is right in their own eyes” (Judges 17:6; 21:25).

The handout for the retreat is still in the “draft” stage, but if you like, you can see it here. And below is my welcome letter to the guys, as well as the outline for my four talks. Also, online registration is here. 

I’m very excited. I hope they are, too.

*     *     *

Welcome Letter

Men of New Life Bible Fellowship:

Thank you for asking me to speak at your retreat. I’m coming to this retreat to have fun, to laugh, to “get away,” and to see old friends and make some new ones. I hope you are, too.

But if these are the only reasons we’ve come, then we are wasting our time—and not only our time but our families’ time, our churches’ time, and most especially God’s time.

This retreat is strategic. It’s for more than fun, more than laughter. It’s a time for us to get away from distractions so that we can listen to God and ask him to make us into the men he calls us to be, that is, men who are not enslaved to sin but set free to serve and love Christ. Across the weekend, as we look at the Old Testament book of Judges, we’ll discuss 12 issues that have (and continue to) “imprison men.” But we’ll also see how the gospel of Jesus Christ sets us free. 

And to that end I ask you to fully commit, to not hold anything back, to be transparent, thoughtful, and repentant. I ask that you labor to come back home changed by the gospel. If we do this, our time will not be wasted, our families will thank us, and God will be honored.

Grace and peace,
Benjamin Vrbicek

Session 1, Friday PM

Upon Further Review
Judges 2:6–3:6

Summary: As men, we are prone to give superficial assessment of our failures: “The sun was in my eyes,” or “I’m too old to change.” But the Bible, specifically this passage in Judges, doesn’t let us do that. And that’s a good thing! A superficial understanding of sin only allows for superficial freedom. God, however, wants to give you true freedom (John 8:32).

Key Verse: “And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel” (Judges 2:10).

Themes: Superficial assessment and excuses; no gospel-relationship with God; failure to pass on the faith to the next generation

Outline: I. Why the conquest failed. II. What God was going to do about it.

Session 2, Saturday AM

The Purpose of Privilege
Judges 13:24–16:31

Summary:  When we think about what it means to be “privileged,” we often think of it as something that belongs to someone else. “Look at that guy; he’s got it all; he’s privileged.” But everyone of us, in our own ways, has been privileged. The question that hangs over Samson’s life, and for that matter our lives, is this: How will we use our privilege? Will we squander our privilege on ourselves or leverage it for the good of others?

Key Verse:  “Samson said to his father, ‘Get her for me, for she is right in my eyes’” (Judges 14:3).

Themes: Abuse of power; sexual sin; doing what’s right in your own eyes

Outline: I. Privilege: its abuse.  II. Privilege: its proper use.

Session 3, Saturday PM

Feasting in Freedom
Judges 17:1–18:31

Summary: There’s nothing wrong with hard work and getting ahead, even being a shrewd entrepreneur. But what happens when we take a “good thing” and make it an “ultimate thing”? What happens when we exalt work—or hobbies, or family, or safety, or money, or sex, or anything—to the place of god? When we do this, idolatry happens; slavery happens. Yet, how are we to overcome this idolatry? The Christian answer is that we must feast on the gospel. As Jesus said, “My flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink” (John 6:55).

Key Verse: “You take my gods that I made and the priest, and go away, and what have I left? How then do you ask me, ‘What is the matter with you?’” (Judges 18:24).

Themes: Worldly ambition; making “good things” into “ultimate things”; replacing one idol for another idol

Outline: I. Setting the table. II. An empty table.

Session 4, Sunday AM

Finish Strong
Judges 6:1–10:5

Summary: What matters in the Christian life is finishing strong. But not everyone does this. Have you ever wondered why? In Judges 7–10, we see that Gideon didn’t finish well. Yes, God used him to lead his people in a great victory, but sadly then came pride and isolation. Men, let’s reject pride and remain accountable to each other and to God. Let’s finish strong.

Key Verse: “And Gideon made an ephod of it and put it in his city, in Ophrah. And all Israel whored after it there, and it became a snare to Gideon and to his family” (Judges 8:27).

Themes: Pride; lack of gospel-friendships and gospel-accountability; hero worship

Outline: I. Running right. II. Finishing wrong.

[Photo by Joshua Earle / Unsplash]